I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
