I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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