Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
