dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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