FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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