I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
