Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
His hands were made for my vagina.
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She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i out mim tonsoeep
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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