I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I skipped work to stalk him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
