I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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