Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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