he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
