Someone shit on the floor
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The air was thick with penises
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
