Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
