Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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