And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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