Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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