Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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