We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
