don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
