Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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