I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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