i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
