my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked into jail on foursquare
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize