i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
