It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
