Moan for me like Helen Keller
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
