your thong is hanging out like whoa
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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