ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
