why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize