Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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