He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
