She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Randomize
