Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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