Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
