her vagine was all disorganized.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
