Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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