turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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