you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
