I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
