So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
