Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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