I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
