He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
