im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
