Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
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I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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