Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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