stop calling my apartment porn island.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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