he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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