he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
