I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
