I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
