She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
