Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Found your dick twin last night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
