the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
