Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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