good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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