I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize