i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
