I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
