Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We are all done wearing pants today
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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