??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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