Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
