This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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