On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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