mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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