We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
