She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
