My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize