and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
