and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
